Are You Chasing Your Dream… or Someone Else’s?
Having a Strong WHY changes everything.
I saw this question on the RunTriMag IG story and it took me to The Enduring Mind Podcast with Badia Weeks.
The Dream I Never Questioned
It made me think about my childhood, never having a dream growing up other than to be a teacher because I admired my grade school teachers or veterinarian because I loved animals.
My father tried to convince me to be an Engineer because I excelled in Math, I took the Math teacher route, it was not right for me.
Growing Up Around Swimming
In my youth, everything revolved around swimming. Not something I remember choosing, just something I did and excelled at. I never questioned it.
Weekend swim meets doubled as my parents’ social life. My friendships were built in the pool deck. I loved finishing a hard set, hitting a time, getting the approval from my coach.
It never felt like training. It just felt like life.
Swimming gave me structure, discipline, consistency, and how to be uncomfortable. You show up. You do what the coach said, eat, sleep, repeat.
Things shifted in high school.. My coach started talking about college scholarships, about what it would take to get there.
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Following the Path Others Chose
That hadn’t been my dream. And now, it became my goal because it made sense. It was the next step. My coach told me, go where you’re offered the most money. So I did. I went to Eastern Michigan University on a full ride.
College swimming was different. The pressure wasn’t internal anymore, it was tied to justify the opportunity, the scholarship, the investment.
After my freshman year, triathlon entered immediately,I found a sport I was excited about, swimming was not it anymore, burnout, I slowed down. I didn’t want to be there anymore. But I stayed and swam for the money, I was miserable.
Burnout Behind the Success
You can be successful and still feel completely disconnected. I had my college paid for, swimming was “my job”. I was doing what I had set out to do.
But internally, the connection to my WHY I was doing it had faded. The goals and expectations got bigger and my sense of ownership was lost. I developed disordered eating, a control thing for me, because how unhappy I was with my swim team and choice of degree, math education.
Triathlon changed that. No expectations, No identity I had to live up to. It was just new and I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time: FREEDOM.
Curiosity, learning, struggling felt different because it was my choice to pursue.I wasn’t doing it to meet someone else’s standard. I was doing it because I loved the new challenge, health and fitness, training twice a day and not get wet!
I swam with the pressure of not wanting to let my coach and parents down. I put my own pressure on myself doing triathlon because I choose to do it for me, myself and I and understand it will always be my choice to train and compete a certain way depending on my WHY.
Why Your WHY Matters
Having a strong WHY changes everything and has kept me in my sport for 34 years, with my own pressure to be the best I can be.
Chasing something because it’s expected is draining, chasing something because it matters to you builds confidence. That distinction shapes how I coach today, I let athletes I coach decide on their direction based on their WHY, I guide them in that direction, it’s about them, not the coach.
I see it all the time. Athletes showing up, working hard, checking the box and still, something feels off. They’re stuck in comparison. They’re chasing numbers, splits, placements without a real connection to WHY those things matter.
Coaching Athletes Toward Ownership
So I ask them the same question I had to ask myself:
What is YOUR WHY? The WHY can change, and to start something because you love it and slowly shift into doing it for approval, validation, or expectation is not strong enough for longevity in the sport
At some point, you have to take ownership again, be honest.
Would you still train like this if no one was watching? Would you still chase this goal if it didn’t impress anyone?
Would you still show up if the only thing you got out of it was the experience itself?
Those answers matter. Mine “without a doubt”
The Right Dream Evolves
Because the right dream, the one that’s actually yours, feels meaningful
It challenges you, but doesn’t trap you. It evolves.
Looking back, I’m grateful for swimming. It gave me the foundation I still rely on today.
But I’m just as grateful for the moment I started questioning whether I was chasing the right thing. That question changed everything that came after.
And it’s one worth asking, no matter where you are in your sport. Because the goal isn’t just to succeed on others’ standards. It’s to make sure what you’re chasing is actually yours.
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Wendy Mader has been immersed in endurance sport since her Division I swimming days at Eastern Michigan University and has raced triathlon since 1992. She prefers the training over the spotlight of race day. With a master’s degree in Wellness Management, where her research examined eating disorders among triathletes, she brings both lived experience and academic insight to the conversation around performance and health. Hee decades of experience navigating setbacks, she coaches athletes to chase growth, she believes longevity, not metrics, is the real measure of success. As founder of t2coaching, she guides ambitious athletes to execute, think long-term, and stay in the sport for life.
