Never Too Late To Be

I found myself on a panel in Washington DC discussing what it is like to be a LatinX athlete in today’s endurance sports world. I was surrounded by everyday athletes talking about inclusion in these spaces, their feelings of why they do what they do amongst other things.

It was during this discussion that I heard Javy say: I wasn’t Black enough for the Black community and I wasn’t Hispanic enough for the Hispanic community. So, I chose myself and said silently: You figure out what you think I am while I choose to be me.’

The Moment That Started To Change Everything

That was such a profound statement that led me to thinking about who I am as a person, especially in this world of endurance sports where there aren’t many Puerto Rican athletes being highlighted for their accomplishments, especially not everyday Puerto Rican athletes.

A number of years later, I was hosting an episode of Enduring Minds with Evan Birch and guest Dez Taylor-Douglas. I was so engaged in the conversation and then Dez said something that practically made me jump out of my seat and hug him because I felt the same way.

Dez mentioned that he moved to a new school where he felt alone. He was a stranger in a strange land with no clear direction of where to go. That feeling sunk into my bones because that happened to me as well.

Growing Up Between Worlds

My parents moved the family from the Bronx to Garnerville in Rockland County. All the sudden I went from being in a classroom with Jose, Juan and Maria to a class filled with Tyler, Kevin and Lisa. It was a shock. 

There I was, out of my element trying to figure out who I was, what I was doing and so much more. Thinking back on it, Javy’s words ring true. From that moment until about 5 years ago, I felt like I wasn’t Hispanic enough for the Hispanic community. As a white presenting Hispanic, the feeling of not being enough rises up when I tell people that I am not white and that I am actually Puerto Rican. The jokes became, yeah but not you.

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Navigating Endurance Sports Without Representation

Trying to navigate the world of endurance sports as a Puerto Rican everyday athlete isn’t easy because the role models just don’t exist. I had to become a role model but I was also trying to figure out who I am. That is a tough  balance and one that always allowed my imposter syndrome to rise up and cause anxiety. So much anxiety that my shoulders would go past my ears and get sore. Imagine having sore shoulders without having lifted a weight….that’s where I was.

I say it ‘was’ because I am not as anxious as I used to be. I am learning to be more myself. This process started ~ 5 years ago when Lori said to me, and I am paraphrasing: you are Puerto Rican, you need to tell the world that you are Puerto Rican. You can be the role model in the endurance sports space that you did not see but certainly needed.

That Turning Point: Choosing Myself

It was that push that got me to start talking about it. I vividly remember my reaction when Robert Rodriguez was a guest on the Fireside Chat and said that he was Puerto Rican. I lost that cool host demeanor and smiled so big and reacted so loud that it hurt, in a good way.

Another everyday Puerto Rican athlete was talking to me. This was amazing. There was an opportunity to show the world that we belong in these sports as much as anybody.

Another stone in the path to being me. I started to wear shirts that said Puerto Rico and Plantain Power. Then Santino Williams bought me a Puerto Rico World Baseball Classic hat that I wear in the Morning Cup of Jason videos on a regular basis. Joey Huertas sent a DM via Instagram to tell me that I am always representing Puerto Rico. 

That representation wasn’t always the case but it is further proof that it is never too late to be you.

Now, the story could end there but it doesn’t. I had the opportunity to interview Badia Weeks about how she found her way into the pool. That may seem like not a big deal but when you are a Black female athlete, that isn’t common.

Badia mentioned that she was one of two Black kids at a new school that she attended after having moved. As you can see, there is a lot of commonalities between Badia, Dez, Javy and myself from that one sentence alone.

Why It’s Never Too Late

As Badia was telling me her story of overcoming being the ‘odd person’ in the building, I jotted down the words: never too late to be you. That phrase has been staring at me for about a week. The connection needed to sit. I had to think about what this meant in my world. What about the connections to other everyday athletes and the meaning in this endurance sports world?

Here is what I have come up with. Being myself has allowed me to enjoy being me which in turn has made these sports more fun. In the past, I was not only competing with others but also with myself. Fighting a battle on two fronts was exhausting. Today, I am battling the course to show it I am better and that I will win.

That mindset change is everything. Finding myself, and I’m still working on it, has opened doors I didn’t know I had closed.

This isn’t to say that all of this is easy because it is not. What this does say is that life and  competing in endurance sports has gotten better. It has improved because I have gotten to know myself better.

Work in progress? Absolutely but as an everyday athlete….aren’t we always a work in progress?

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