I Raced Myself Into the Ground | Here’s What Athlete Burnout Really Looks Like
tIt has been over two months since I thought of the idea for a Riding The Edge series about burnout and its toll on us, the Everyday Athlete. In that time, I have had 3 podcast recordings and now this blog post. Beyond that, there has been a lot of conversation over on Instagram about the topic which makes me happy because this isn’t something that should be buried.
And, I will be bringing you two guest posts from Nora Gluch the founder of Mile After Mile Strength and Run Coaching. We are also going to record a podcast about her story and what she sees as a coach from athletes entering into burnout or in the middle of it.
This blog post is about my experience with burnout in 2019 and how the pandemic may have saved me from spiraling away from endurance sports.
In March of 2014, I raced my first 100 mile ultramarathon. It was at Lake Martin in Alabama. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done but I was hooked. Prior to that I had been racing Ironman events for the two previous years. I didn’t want to let that go. When Ironman Chattanooga was announced for late September 2014 I registered.
Challenging Myself To Do Hard Things
I was going to do something really hard and race a 100 miler early in the year and an Ironman late in the year. Along the way, I found out that I loved this set up. I could train all summer with a focus on swimming and cycling since the running fitness was there from the 100. When I finished Ironman Chattanooga in 11:00:50 and with a 4:02 marathon on one of the hardest Ironman marathon courses I had ever run, I was hooked.
Race a 100 miler early in the year and then an Ironman late in the year. The fitness from the Ironman would carry me for a few months until the 100 miler because that distance was ‘low and slow’ as some would say.
2015 – Rocky Raccoon 100 and Ironman Florida
2016 – Coldwater Rumble 100 plus Rocky Racoon 100 (14 days later) and Ironman Louisville
2017 – Rocky Raccoon 100 and Ironman Maryland
2018 – Rocky Raccoon 100 and Ironman Chattanooga
2019 – Rocky Raccoon 100 and Western States and Ironman Wisconsin
2015 through 2018 weren’t an issue, not even that year in 2016 when I raced two 100 milers 14 days apart. By the way, I didn’t realize that happened because I didn’t get burned out. I believe the reason I didn’t get burned out was because they were only 14 days apart. No time to decompress before ramping up and racing again. Just race…..
ADVERTISEMENT
RUNTRIMAG15 for 15% off all first-time purchases
When the Race Calendar Becomes Too Much
2019 is a different story. That is the year that burnout hit HARD.
For timing perspective, let me lay this out for you.
I would register for the Ironman event the year prior to racing in it because they would fill up fast. I was always going to race Rocky Raccoon until I got my Western States lottery ticket pulled. Getting to that race was easy and I knew that I could finish it in the allotted time. Therefore, I registered for that event the moment it opened.
By the end of 2018, the entire 2019 racing season was set up including a hard 50 miler at the Coyote Trail run in Apri. All set, let’s enjoy the holiday.
How One Lucky Text Message Changed Everything
Then the text message came. What text message? Before I answer that, let me tell you that I was out and about without a clue regarding what was happening in the world of ultra trail running. As it turns out, that day that I was minding my own business was Western States lottery day. I must have figured that my chances of getting in were slim to none so why waste a good day starting at a computer screen.
And now, you know that I mean by that text message coming in. A friend of mine sent a text that simply said: Holy Fuck, see you at states. you’re in.
I was beyond excited. I had been racing Rocky Raccoon for 4 straight years with the hopes that I would get my WSER ticket pulled. Well it did and now the race schedule went from:
Rocky Raccoon 100 to Ironman Wisconsin -> Rocky Raccoon 100 to Western States to Ironman Wisconsin
My feelings were, I could do this. What’s another 100? I’ll be fit, this is a huge event and Ironman Wisconsin is iconic. Let’s Roll.
Training for Three Majors — The Reality Behind the Schedule
What really happened was that the training for Rocky Raccoon went off without a hitch. I went into the race knowing that I wasn’t chasing a PR and finished in 21 hours 59 minutes 00 seconds (imagine nailing that time!) Accomplished and now ready to carry on into Western States training.
This is where it gets a bit more difficult. Rocky Raccoon has about 6,000 feet of elevation gain while Western States has approximately 18,000 feet of elevation gain. The training changed with a more intense focus on climbing. Weight vest on the treadmill. Man-Maker runs on the treadmill. Drives to the Oklahoma border for elevation gain running.
Oh, and don’t forget that Ironman training has to get started because riding a bike for 112 miles and swimming 2.4 miles are not emulated with a weight vest. Throw that into the mix as race day for Western States nears……this is getting to be a lot.
Maybe This Was The DNF That Should Have Happened?
I raced Western States and truly enjoyed my time on the course. It is as stunning as you imagine. I was fortunate that it was a snowy season and going up the escarpment led to gorgeous sunrise views with the snow.
I did think that I may DNF at Western States as I got into Robinson Flat. It was that hard and it was getting hot…..super hot. I rebounded from there and when I got into Michigan Bluff, I felt like a new person. This was going well and I finished the race in 26 hours 36 minutes 53 seconds. I was stoked despite missing my goal of going under 24 hours at this event.
Time to recover and prepare for Ironman Wisconsin. If you know me then you know that I take my recovery seriously. I have not been injured in 19 years of training and racing which I attribute to a few things and recovery is right up there with the rest of them.
Unfortunately, there isn’t much time to get ready for an Ironman in late September when it is already July. I did what I thought was right and avoided running for a few weeks but swimming and cycling….let’s do it. I justified the activity with the idea that it was non-impact. What I didn’t account for was the mental drain that going would have on me. My body felt good but my mind was melting without me noticing.
The Moment I Knew Something Was Wrong
Despite my best efforts to get all the workouts in and tell myself that it would be alright, something felt off. Then one day on the massage table the week before IMWI took place, the masseuse asked me a question. It was a simple question. She asked, ‘How are you feeling?’
The response came out of my mouth before I could stop it. It was unexpected and to this day is not something I have ever said about a race. I had never said before this moment either which makes this a very unique moment in a journey that has spanned 19 years. I said, verbatim:
I can’t wait for this shit to be over.
Clearly my mind and body were done. The fuse on the firecracker was near the end. All that was left was for the explosion to take place. The only question was, would I still be holding the firecracker when it did.
The travel to Madison wasn’t a problem. The bikes arrived, the bags did too. The Air BnB was great. The days leading up to the event were picture perfect. The practice swim on a glass like lake gave me confidence that I could do this. I AM going to be a 2x 100 mile and Ironman finisher in the same year. What a year? What an accomplishment? As I mentioned earlier, I forgot that I had already done it but hey….what’s another accomplishment.
ADVERTISEMENT
Race Day, the DNF, and No Regrets
Race day…..not the same as the previous few days. Windy. Cloudy and dark. Rain in the air. I line up and make my way to the swim arch. All the sudden I stop to mess around with my goggles. I have never done this before. I’m delaying. Then I finally get into the water. It feels colder than it should and the sighting is harder than I imagined.
I swim, if you could call it that, for about 0.6 miles. I look at my watch. 30 minutes. My brain starts mathing…..0.6 x 4 = 2.4. 30 minutes x 4 = 2 hours. Ride a bike for 112 miles in ~ 6 hours and run a marathon for another ~ 4 hours….I’m at 12 hours before I count in transitions and that is everything goes right.
Why Pulling Out Was the Smartest Decision I’ve Ever Made
This isn’t going right so why do I think that the ride and run will be better. This isn’t fun. I’m exhausted mentally and I’ve just started. Raise your hand, call the jet ski over and call it a day. Tomorrow will come again. I DNF’d at IMWI at 0.6 miles and 30-ish minutes. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I would not have made it through the bike and the run with where my mental state was. There was the risk of injury by not being focused and going through the motions.
I cheered for all the athletes out there. It was a blast to do so. Seeing those finishers gave me a respect for them that I would not have had if I were on the course because I would not have known how hard it was for them.
And as life would have it…..tomorrow never came again. I have not raced an Ironman since that DNF. I don’t know if I ever will.
What Burnout Recovery Actually Looks Like for Endurance Athletes
But, this I do know. Lori did research and found out that the recovery from burnout is approximately 3 to 5 year. I’m slightly passed that 5 years but maybe, just maybe, there is another Ironman in me but this time there will not be 2 100 miles races before hand.
ADVERTISEMENT
