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From Dark Roads to New Horizons: A Cyclist’s Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
For many athletes, the path to healing isn’t marked by finish lines or medals. Sometimes, the greatest victories come from simply getting back on the bike. Toby Oehler‘s story is a powerful reminder that every athlete’s journey is unique, and sometimes the most important steps forward happen far from any race course. Toby’s love of cycling helped guide him through mental recovery but not before it caused the need.
Finding Purpose Through Pedals
In 2015, Toby Oehler bought his first bike for a 60-mile charity ride supporting the National EMS Memorial Bike Ride. Like many newcomers to cycling, he approached it casually – minimal training, basic gear, and little understanding of what the ride truly meant. “I went out, bought a bike, bought some cheap bike shorts. Really no training. I jumped on and I rode 60 miles and I was like, that’s kind of fun,” Toby recalls.
Little did he know that cycling would become both his greatest challenge and his path to healing. In October 2017, everything changed when Toby, working as a paramedic supervisor, responded to a scene that would leave deep emotional scars – the loss of a friend and colleague in an ambulance accident.
When the Bike Becomes Both Medicine and Menace
The following year, Toby joined the Memorial Ride again, this time a six-day journey from the Twin Cities to Chicago, honoring his fallen colleague. But beneath the surface of this tribute ride, a storm was brewing.
“What started out for therapy for me was the bike,” Toby shares. “And spending time on the bike really became kind of problematic and became hard for me because as I didn’t process my own trauma, the bike for me got scarier and scarier.”
The very activity that once brought joy became a source of fear and dark thoughts. Toby found himself caught in a cycle of avoidance, indulging in food, and deepening depression. “I’d agree to go on a training ride but then I wouldn’t sleep well the night before. I’d have some GI issues, I’d wake up with migraines, I’d back out of the training, and then for me, I would start excessively eating.”
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Breaking the Cycle Through Communication
After reaching 330 pounds and facing numerous health challenges, Toby made the crucial decision to seek help. Through therapy and EMDR treatment, he began processing his trauma and rebuilding his relationship with cycling.
“I was able to have those conversations and share my feelings and process through my therapist and then through my friends and the group of folks that I ride with,” Toby explains. “I was able to get those feelings out and have those conversations and kind of face all of that and put it out there.”
Transforming Pain into Purpose
Today, Toby has lost 97 pounds and rediscovered his love for cycling. As a coach at Farrel’s eXtreme Body Shaping, he uses his story to inspire others. “Some days it’s okay to not be okay. It’s all right to have a bad day. It’s all right to not be perfect every single day,” he tells the members.
His message to others facing similar struggles is clear: “Know that it’s okay to not be okay and to reach out for some help. It was probably the best thing I ever did to finally admit that I needed help. In fact, I 100% know it was the best thing I ever did.”
Looking Ahead with Hope
Toby’s transformation extends beyond physical changes. He’s planning bike packing trips, considering gravel rides, and even contemplating riding across America. More importantly, he’s found peace with himself. “I kind of hated myself before. I wasn’t happy with myself. I didn’t like myself, and now I enjoy myself. I love who I am. I like who I see in the mirror.“
His journey reminds us that sometimes the most important victory isn’t crossing a finish line – it’s learning to love the person who shows up at the starting line. The thing we love most, in the case of Toby, it was cycling can give us happiness but may also be the reason we will have to work through mental health issues until we find some recovery.
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